‘Chutzpah, Wisdom and Wine’ – Jodi Samuels has all three in spades

JODI SAMUELS’ Chutzpah, Wisdom and Wine: The Journey of an Unstoppable Woman is a fascinating memoir of her path to Orthodox Judaism, her founding of organizations for Jewish continuity, and most poignantly, her struggle for inclusion for her daughter Caila, now 12, who has Down Syndrome.

During her pregnancy with Caila, she had a feeling that something was wrong, but all of her tests checked out. Only several hours after the birth did she find out the news.

“I was not expecting news like this and I was quite angry at first that God would choose us to raise a child with intellectual disabilities,” she writes. “I never questions whether he made a mistake, but I wanted to know why He would send us this precious soul while we were busy carrying out His work. My mind was racing with the uncertainty that comes with this diagnosis and how we were going to handle it.”

A few paragraphs later, she continues:

Looking in the mirror, I confronted myself. My mind, as it normally does in times of stress, sought to rationalize the shocking revelation. I chased the questions racing through my soul and answered them with intellectual honesty.

Why us? God chose us.

Why did He choose us? We have an open-door policy. If we accept everyone, we also have to accept our own daughter.

But I wanted to change the world and now I won’t have time! I will change the world, just another aspect I never thought of before.

If I could not accept my own child, then my whole life was a lie.

The book traces Samuels’ life from her childhood in South Africa, a few years in Australia, and then her move to New York with her physician husband, Gavin. She has always loved hosting Shabbat and holiday meals, and in New York, she did so often, especially for Jews not from the US.

“When it comes to Shabbat and holidays, the expat Jews were often left without friends and family with whom to celebrate,” she writes. “Without this community to tap into, many of them will make whatever friends they can, Jewish or not, and potentially drift away from their faith. Many end up intermarrying.

“Being an outsider I was sensitive to the need for Jewish connectivity. That became one of the driving forces behind my hospitality and why I had become known as ‘the dinner queen.’”

Samuels started an organization called Jewish International Connection New York (JICNY) which aims, according to its website, to “provide a Jewish home away from home” through classes, Shabbat meals, and dating and matchmaking services. Dozens of couples have met at JICNY events. She started a similar organization in Israel.

She is a passionate advocate for her daughter and in favor of inclusion of children with disabilities in mainstream educational frameworks. She notes how she used to get nervous every time she had to speak in public.

“Caila began to draw a voice out of me I didn’t know I had,” she writes. “I’ve always been confident in myself in private, but it was public life that stymied me. As I started to go public, to recruit supporters and to speak to the media, this new and different Jodi came out, spurred on by my inner mama grizzly.”

After the Samuels made aliyah, they began the battle yet again for inclusion for Caila, one Jodi continues to fight every day.

The book has both touching and funny moments. Like me, Samuels is an avid wine drinker who enjoys visiting Israeli wineries. She even has wine in the book’s title, and this vignette about a meeting with one of Caila’s therapists made me laugh out loud:

“When Caila plays with dolls, her role play always revolves around wine,” the therapist said. “The dolls always say to each other, ‘Mommy loves wine.’”

I must have been turning as red as the finest cabernet I’ve ever had.

“Jodi, I know you’ve had a hard time since you’ve made aliyah. But I felt obligated to ask you, ‘Do you need intervention?’”

Of course I didn’t but my daughter was basically telling the world I was a raging alcoholic. If only the psychologist knew what happened that very night when a new therapist came to our house. Caila answered the door, and as we’ve taught her, she welcomed the woman.

“Do you need some water or something to eat?”

“No thank you, you’re so sweet.”

“Well, maybe you’d like some vodka or whisky instead?”

The therapist almost fell to the floor.

Chutzpah, Wisdom and Wine is sometimes a little choppy, but overall it’s a significant but fun read, reminding us – in a very personal and punchy way – of the importance of inclusion.■

Chutzpah, Wisdom and Wine: The Journey of an Unstoppable Woman

Jodi Samuels

Emek Valley Press, 2020

310 pages; $11.95