As Israel enters its summer wedding season, the joy of celebration is tempered by the shadow of war and loss. In a time marked by pain and uncertainty, the yearning for connection, intimacy, and the safety of a loving home has only grown sharper. And yet, for many young men and women, there is a gap between their yearning and reality.

In a nation where every loss is a shared wound and where the personal is deeply entwined with the national, the act of building a home takes on profound significance. Every new couple, every relationship formed, is not just a private milestone – it’s a declaration of continuity, a quiet act of resistance in the face of destruction.

And yet, over the past months, I’ve received calls from worried parents, therapists, and kallah teachers, all echoing the same theme: our singles are facing an array of new challenges. I’ve heard of soldiers breaking off relationships under the weight of combat trauma.

Young men and women, just back from service, who feel too emotionally overwhelmed to date. Women who are hesitant to enter relationships with men who are still in active service. And others who have barely had a suggestion for the last year and a half.

While some are spurred by the urgency to build something meaningful amidst the chaos, many budding romances have dissolved – casualties of emotional fatigue, unpredictable schedules, and the relentless tension of national emergency. Relationships, by their very nature, require consistency, emotional availability, and a sense of safety. But how can these conditions exist when life is dominated by military call-ups, sirens, and constant uncertainty?

A young couple on a date at the restaurant. (credit: Pexels/Boris Ivas)
A young couple on a date at the restaurant. (credit: Pexels/Boris Ivas)
One of the most painful hurdles surfacing now is the challenge of moving from survival mode into a space of vulnerability and connection. For many, the ongoing existential threat and emotional strain have shut down their capacity to engage. Even those with the desire to pursue a relationship find themselves unable to open up, their hearts fleeing the very intimacy they crave.

Relationships require stable ground: space to meet, time to open up, and the rhythm of honest conversation and emotional growth. But the realities of war –  physical distance, emotional highs and lows, and constant disruptions – create a fractured foundation. Even those not serving feel the pervasive tension, as do those in long-term, marital relationships. We are all carrying a weight, and it makes the emotional work of relationships that much harder.

And so, the war is undermining dating, making it harder to form serious relationships, and adding another layer of uncertainty. If dating is challenging at the best of times, the current war climate has upped the ante. Many are hesitant to begin new relationships, and others cannot commit during such a stressful, demanding time. 

Tragically, I’ve heard many religious women say, “The men have disappeared.” Some have fallen. Some are wounded. Others have returned from combat emotionally distant and unavailable. And many are simply not in the mindset to begin or sustain a relationship. The loneliness this creates is real, and it runs deep. In a time when the desire for love is more needed than ever, the pathway toward building it has become increasingly difficult.

Beyond the personal challenge, there’s a deep social gap. Singles often lack the support systems that reservist soldiers with families receive – no communal hugs, no hot meals, and sometimes not even being acknowledged as part of the social whole. This can lead to feelings of invisibility and disconnection. When public and community discourse centers on soldiers and their families, those outside that circle feel even more alone. Their loneliness is not only emotional but structural. It’s a loneliness that says: you are not part of the story.

And then there’s the subtle hierarchy that’s emerged in the dating scene. Men in combat roles are rightly praised – often idealized – but this has left others behind. What of those serving in education, medicine, logistics, or simply doing their best to contribute from wherever they stand? Their value is no less. In a society where heroism has many faces, we must broaden our lens to recognize and honor all who give.

Supporting singles is our shared responsibility

Looking at the broader picture, it’s clear that dealing with singleness is not just a personal struggle – it’s a collective mission. The Eden Center, the organization I lead, is dedicated to strengthening relationships and helping build strong, stable marriages. We see this as part of national resilience. Building homes, creating families – this is our response to the enemy. 

We are a people who maintain continuity in the face of destruction. Even amidst pain and challenge, strong and connected partnerships can be formed. This is not just about individual happiness – it is about our collective future.

But this mission cannot fall on singles alone. It is up to all of us – friends, rabbis, neighbors, and community leaders – to step up. We all have to support, suggest matches, open doors, and be part of the process. This is a shared responsibility. Whether it’s an invitation to a meal, a warm conversation, or community initiatives, every small gesture can become a meaningful measure in bringing hope and resilience.

The desire for love is not a luxury. It is a human need. And the more we listen to the voices of singles, the more we give space to their pain and their potential, and the more we can foster real change.

Let us be a society that doesn’t look away. One that understands that even now – especially now – love matters. From this place of resilience, we can build new homes, restore hope, and strengthen the soul of our nation.

To validate these struggles and to find new ways to support those searching for connection, the Eden Center is spearheading a conference on “Dating and Relationships in the Wake of War.” Join us on Tuesday, June 10, 17:00-21:30 at the Nefesh B’Nefesh Campus in Cinema City, Jerusalem. Register at https://tickchak.co.il/82224